Those of you who follow Dollar Bin Blues regularly will know that I rarely take a look at films. But I'm going to make an exception for Conjure, the brainchild of critically-acclaimed artist/illustrator Matt Busch. Why?
Because this is one of the worst movies I've seen in my life.
Matt Busch produced this film through PlanetMatt Entertainment. Directed by Matt Busch, Conjure is based on a script by Matt Busch, and stars fledgling thespian Matt Busch as critically-acclaimed artist/illustrator Matt Busch. It also stars Matt Busch's girlfriend Sarah Wilkinson as Matt Busch's girlfriend Sarah Wilkinson, and features costume design by Sarah Wilkinson.
See where this is going?
The film starts with a lengthy documentary segment (narrated by Matt Busch) covering Matt Busch's life, from his childhood, through his days playing keytar as a rocker, to his turning to art and meeting his girlfriend. I wouldn't want to say director Matt Busch is self-indulgent here; after all, who could resist focusing on a subject as interesting as Matt Busch? The film proper then picks up with Matt Busch walking through a cemetery, where he finds a single photograph of a house (or castle, as they call it) resting against a tombstone. Matt Busch then does what anyone would do in such a situation -- he steals the photograph from the gravesite and takes it home with him.
Long story short, the photograph exerts some sort of eldritch power over Matt Busch as he paints it, transporting Matt Busch and his girlfriend to the
When the painting is done, Matt Busch and his girlfriend are transported back to their house. The ghosts now want to kill Matt Busch, for reasons never made clear, but true love wins out in the end.
The film then ends with more documentary footage, including what appears to be the preamble to a Matt Busch sex tape (starring Matt Busch), followed by Matt Busch returning the stolen photo to the grave so that the next kleptomaniac artist can find it.
If you're the type who likes riffing on crappy movies like the crew of the Satellite of Love, then you can have a good time watching Conjure -- we did. But, in all honesty, it is not a good movie. Not good at all.